2 states : The pirated version
For all the bhakts of C.Bhagat, this is not the place to be. I don't write like him. My English is in house developed rather that the Oxford dictionary consulted one. I am not an IIT-IIM combo superstar who can tell you fundoo stories. Nothing glorious has happened in my life. So let's get it straight, read it and I beg you to please like it. I am doing this for free.
Now that I have got your expectations down to the mean sea level, it's time for me to dazzle you with my little encounters of the two most stereotyped Indian people.
Just before Christmas I got the 'opportunity' to visit the only Indian metropolis I haven't resided in - Chennai. Chennai scares me - for two reasons - I don't know the language they understand and I think I may be looked down upon because of my obvious non-vegetarian looks. More like vampire looks. Anyway I would go anywhere for more frequent flier miles, I am bikaoo. So here I was in my flight to Chennai sitting window-side, listening to Mika singing the opening song of....of......Quick Gun Murrugan !! Aiyooooo....What an irony, just the song for my upcoming tour of contrasts.
By the way.. the movie sucks.
Landed in Chennai, the place still seemed liked my country, the pushing, the shouting it was all there, only in some high tempo language. Chennai smells nice - it smells like a temple, flowery and comfortably damp. I think I arrived on the right day. The taxi driver assigned to me was handpicked as he spoke some Hindi. I had come to know that Hindi is like Satan's tongue in Chennai. People frown at Hindi music being played in cars. Hindi speakers being harassed by the usual suspects of tourist harassment. Nothing of that sort happened with me. But Hindi speakers are at a handicap.
Everything in Chennai is so colourful, houses are painted like they were being given incentives to be wild and crazy. Houses are painted to be Shocking. Its common to see 4 walls of a house painted with 4 different colours. Pink, Yellow , Green ...Parrot green and...Blue. All on the same house. This is normal. I have seen a house with 4 walls having 12 colours. More the better. It has something to do with their ego and pride I guess. I guess if I had a better eyesight spectrum then I would have seen something like 256 colours in the same house.
Anyway, what I really love about Chennai was the food. It is awesome !! For the first time ever in my life I preferred vegetarian food over my non-veg appetite. Not to forget Chennai also has awesome seafood available. And even better is the filmy music - the beats are so 'dhik-chik'. Bhangra is nothing compared to this. I felt like getting into a dhoti and dancing like crazy. The (filmy) dance-form is totally random, perfect for people who don't know who don't know how to. Full of energy. Prabhudeva and A.R.Rahman rock.
The 'topping on the idli' was the buffet dinner I had at the hotel I was staying in. The lobby was decorated with all the Christmas fanfare, a huge tree was there and the best thing - a three girl choir singing carols. I took a seat closest to them, well that was the only single seating table left. Those were looking so sweet in there Christmas hats and sang beautifully. One of them was checking me out too. I blushed and shied away everytime she glanced at me. What an Idiot I am !!
Anyway, in the morning I am going to the other side of the nation where it is said that even nicer beauties walk the streets. Punjab.
People who come from Chandigarh tell me it is splendid. But what was splendid was the way I was introduced to the land of top-loading lassi machines. Chandigarh airport is the most chaotic place ever. My plane was still taxing to the terminal and I could see passengers walking towards the aircraft with their bags to board it ! Only in Punjab ! That's not all, when I was walking towards the terminal building, people were coming towards the plane to welcome some or the other guest. And right on the runway there is a session of punjabi style gung -ho welcoming. Movies don't exaggerate, Panjab Kesari tells the truth. For those who don't understand India but know the US like their neighborhood : Punjab is India's Texas.
There is no logic to things here, it's just brute force. Patience is non-existent here. People like to overtake each other just to show they have an engine in their 'gaddi'. When you slow down to ask for directions from that someone sitting on a bike, he doesn't get to answer. Always, someone on a scooter/bike coming from behind buzzes past telling you the way. Always. Only in Punjab ! Everyone thinks the other person should be beaten up. Everything is grand. But I don't like the music. Because there is no variety. All of songs sound the same. Even trucks blow their horns in the same way. There is just one rhythm to every song. The same nasal voice. The variety is in the female and male voice. And I don't know why either the song is talking about women or some long lost love. That are the underlying theme to all the songs.
I just hope that I don't get beaten up for questioning the quality of music. I love the food though. It's delicious and amazingly fresh ! It's as if the vegetables were cooked when they were still growing in the farm. Only in Punjab !
But the best thing is yet to come. The English to Hindi translation. It's weird. Again, there's no logic. Only the 'just do it' attitude. I have an example to share. When someone comes here as a guest, they ask the guest - "kya lenge - 'chai ya thanda'? " So refreshments in generally referred to as - 'chaai ya thanda' . And so when Punjabi signage guy has to translate it he starts like this. He takes the smallest word first. 'Ya' is 'or' in English. But he only knows that it sounds 'or', not that it is spelled 'o' 'r'. So, he remembers that the Hindi 'or' is translated as 'and' in English. Hence the 'ya' is translated as 'and' in English. Then 'chai' is 'tea' and 'thanda' is 'cold'. And viola - the railway station refreshment boards pronounce it "Tea & Cold" . Only in Punjab ! Only in Punjab !
And with that ladies and gentlemen - I have written the most boring travelogue ever. I told you Bhagat ke Bhakts, that you are at the wrong place. Forgive me.Now that I have got your expectations down to the mean sea level, it's time for me to dazzle you with my little encounters of the two most stereotyped Indian people.
Just before Christmas I got the 'opportunity' to visit the only Indian metropolis I haven't resided in - Chennai. Chennai scares me - for two reasons - I don't know the language they understand and I think I may be looked down upon because of my obvious non-vegetarian looks. More like vampire looks. Anyway I would go anywhere for more frequent flier miles, I am bikaoo. So here I was in my flight to Chennai sitting window-side, listening to Mika singing the opening song of....of......Quick Gun Murrugan !! Aiyooooo....What an irony, just the song for my upcoming tour of contrasts.
By the way.. the movie sucks.
Landed in Chennai, the place still seemed liked my country, the pushing, the shouting it was all there, only in some high tempo language. Chennai smells nice - it smells like a temple, flowery and comfortably damp. I think I arrived on the right day. The taxi driver assigned to me was handpicked as he spoke some Hindi. I had come to know that Hindi is like Satan's tongue in Chennai. People frown at Hindi music being played in cars. Hindi speakers being harassed by the usual suspects of tourist harassment. Nothing of that sort happened with me. But Hindi speakers are at a handicap.
Everything in Chennai is so colourful, houses are painted like they were being given incentives to be wild and crazy. Houses are painted to be Shocking. Its common to see 4 walls of a house painted with 4 different colours. Pink, Yellow , Green ...Parrot green and...Blue. All on the same house. This is normal. I have seen a house with 4 walls having 12 colours. More the better. It has something to do with their ego and pride I guess. I guess if I had a better eyesight spectrum then I would have seen something like 256 colours in the same house.
Anyway, what I really love about Chennai was the food. It is awesome !! For the first time ever in my life I preferred vegetarian food over my non-veg appetite. Not to forget Chennai also has awesome seafood available. And even better is the filmy music - the beats are so 'dhik-chik'. Bhangra is nothing compared to this. I felt like getting into a dhoti and dancing like crazy. The (filmy) dance-form is totally random, perfect for people who don't know who don't know how to. Full of energy. Prabhudeva and A.R.Rahman rock.
The 'topping on the idli' was the buffet dinner I had at the hotel I was staying in. The lobby was decorated with all the Christmas fanfare, a huge tree was there and the best thing - a three girl choir singing carols. I took a seat closest to them, well that was the only single seating table left. Those were looking so sweet in there Christmas hats and sang beautifully. One of them was checking me out too. I blushed and shied away everytime she glanced at me. What an Idiot I am !!
Anyway, in the morning I am going to the other side of the nation where it is said that even nicer beauties walk the streets. Punjab.
People who come from Chandigarh tell me it is splendid. But what was splendid was the way I was introduced to the land of top-loading lassi machines. Chandigarh airport is the most chaotic place ever. My plane was still taxing to the terminal and I could see passengers walking towards the aircraft with their bags to board it ! Only in Punjab ! That's not all, when I was walking towards the terminal building, people were coming towards the plane to welcome some or the other guest. And right on the runway there is a session of punjabi style gung -ho welcoming. Movies don't exaggerate, Panjab Kesari tells the truth. For those who don't understand India but know the US like their neighborhood : Punjab is India's Texas.
There is no logic to things here, it's just brute force. Patience is non-existent here. People like to overtake each other just to show they have an engine in their 'gaddi'. When you slow down to ask for directions from that someone sitting on a bike, he doesn't get to answer. Always, someone on a scooter/bike coming from behind buzzes past telling you the way. Always. Only in Punjab ! Everyone thinks the other person should be beaten up. Everything is grand. But I don't like the music. Because there is no variety. All of songs sound the same. Even trucks blow their horns in the same way. There is just one rhythm to every song. The same nasal voice. The variety is in the female and male voice. And I don't know why either the song is talking about women or some long lost love. That are the underlying theme to all the songs.
I just hope that I don't get beaten up for questioning the quality of music. I love the food though. It's delicious and amazingly fresh ! It's as if the vegetables were cooked when they were still growing in the farm. Only in Punjab !
But the best thing is yet to come. The English to Hindi translation. It's weird. Again, there's no logic. Only the 'just do it' attitude. I have an example to share. When someone comes here as a guest, they ask the guest - "kya lenge - 'chai ya thanda'? " So refreshments in generally referred to as - 'chaai ya thanda' . And so when Punjabi signage guy has to translate it he starts like this. He takes the smallest word first. 'Ya' is 'or' in English. But he only knows that it sounds 'or', not that it is spelled 'o' 'r'. So, he remembers that the Hindi 'or' is translated as 'and' in English. Hence the 'ya' is translated as 'and' in English. Then 'chai' is 'tea' and 'thanda' is 'cold'. And viola - the railway station refreshment boards pronounce it "Tea & Cold" . Only in Punjab ! Only in Punjab !
Okay post.. worth reading as long as it from your pen.. :)
ReplyDeleteyour Tea and Cold fanda is not correct think again :P
Regards
Regular follower :)
Nice one... Settle somewhere now. Mr Columbus...
ReplyDeleteKartikeya
Very true about the Bhangara. There is no variety , just monotonus beats and a repetitive dance which looks you are changing the light bulbs. Tamil music is simply rocking. It ranges pure classical to urban garage. The boys have done a good job mixing the various genre. Search in the the tube videos for (Teke Teke Dr Burn) for a sample.It is a false notion that tamils only have vegetarian food.Southies love their meat and fish and is cooked in various regional styles.You should come to Malaysia and see for yourself. The local chinese must have their mutton curry and fried fish every sunday just like the British having a Sunday roast . Good luck and happy new year.
ReplyDeleteloved it ayush :)
ReplyDeletelaughed all through!
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