A.k.a Sunk Cost

There was once a client, who wanted something fancy. So he hired some MBAs, and then they made some multiplications and divisions. And then, those multiplications and divisions were called something space age. RoI, RoCE and something I don't remember or care about. But they got Lamborghinis and penthouses. But some are idiots, like me, who thought this is a universal bullshit . Bullshit you can apply to anything. Even love. Your passions. Stupid brain !

There were some years when I was a paranoid. I was mad. I was investing. There was a June, when I got up at 4.30 am in the morning , sneaked out of the house and into my car. Drove my half asleep self across Delhi to pick up someone who had made an investment and take her to her house. I pride myself to have got her there in time. Then slept in the car near her home for 2 hours. Waiting on the road. And waiting....and more waiting....until my 7th call got answered around 10 A.m. Lovely sauna. Return on Investment sir, return - on - investment.  And there were numerous other kind of similar strategic ones .

There were other things I did. I had a mobile phone with a capacity of storing only about 100 text messages. So every day, rather night , I invested time in an important activity. Out of all the messages I received , I sorted the ones most close to the heart . The most dearest ones. And deleted others to realign my portfolio of Assets. Precious emotional assets. I spent an hour reading all my text messages every night. Thinking and imagining the thought of those words being pronounced, picturing the movement of the lips. Trying to see those eyes blink , even when they are 2 states away. What other things ? Years, months, days - almost a decade of obsession. Your dreams, your ambitions, your family. The attention that got diverted from friends. Miles of traveling. Impracticality, Hope, Belief.

If there is something else that went into it, it is patience and not getting those opportunities to invest myself more. For all those years, I never had a birthday celebrated in the way I wanted because I had just one key element as a wish. But it only got fullfilled through a Re. 1/min well-wishing. 7-8 times. Don't ever ask  me how to celebrate a Valentine's Day, because I never got a chance to spend on it. Patience is a big cost. When you have spent enough and you still don't feel that it was well spent, it will burn a hole in your heart. In an entire year I longed for 1 particular festival that brought me to her. For 2-3 days a year. And that made me so reassured , so confident that I should devote myself completely. Men are naturally jealous, I was too, when I wasn't around her to spend on her, while her friends could. I had to let go of those 3 min calls , so that she gets to spend time with her friends and not with a stupid mobile phone.  Nothing special , only a small daily sacrifice . A 365 x 7 days sacrifice. Sacrifice ? Are you crazy, call it investment baby ! It's fancier, more importantly - heartless.

It is not only I. It was her too. Probably she being a bigger investor. But there are sometimes that investments don't come out to be good. So we rue the decision, I don't . There is some big rush that comes out of putting so much at stake. Betting on one specific card. "What if it comes good?". Specially when you are so convinced , so sure, that you factored everything in. Checked it all. That card has to turn into an ace of spades when it turns. The adrenaline is overpowering. The act of investing so much of yourself seems so pretty , so satisfying, so right - it doesn't matter what is going to happen. Putting your emotions at stake and investing them all in one is one supreme joy.  So that is why it was right when i didn't understand why is there no Return on this investment. 

Because the return is , the investing itself. All the heart and passion that went into it , is fulfilling. The investment is the return.

But yeah, now it is also known as - Sunk Cost  !