Bihar for Beginners and Burbaks
I was probably 9 or 10 years old when I last visited Patna. And the only memory of that time was intense load shedding and a He-Man action toy my granddad had bought. And since then I have known about Bihar as much as you have. The reliable guides being - jokes about Biharis and Lalu Yadavs of the nation. But to my surprise the flight to Patna from Mumbai had awesome legroom and only 3 other passengers, it felt like being in business class. And it feels even better when the plane lands at the Jayprarkash Narayan INTERNATIONAL Airport. Boss!, Bihar has an international airport. And I have landed there, quite safely.
As I was walking inside to collect my luggage, I decided that I will write a book about Bihar. Then I would sell million copies and earn billions of rupees. But bhaiya as you can see now I am explaining Bihar for charity. Arriving early morning in Patna is good, the temprature is not that much and it feels great to know that you are booked at Hotel Maurya. Yes, it's Hotel Maurya. Kindly note, no Sheraton ! But it's the best Bihar has to offer. So when I arrive at the best hotel of Bihar, the room I have been booked into is still not empty. Hence I kill time roaming around in the lobby. Somehow the hotel feels very African. Like Hotel Rwanda. There are lot of game trophies, ivory carvings, armed gunmen and creaky wooden furniture with yellow lights everywhere. Hotel Rwanda. But Hotel Rwanda has the best view of urban Bihar. I could see Bihar's tallest building - the Biscomaun and the largest ground - Gandhi Maidan from my room . All this at an exorbitant rate of Rs.4000 per day. The most economical possible meal is Rs.450. I am in Bihar, I am supposed to save money. This is where I purged all plans of investing time and money in a book.
My first ever office is 3 mins of walk from my Hotel Rwanda. Climbing the stairs of Ashiana towers seemed like going through the corridors of a deep dungeon, no lights and red stains at every corner. And I am greeted at the door of my office with a sign that says "Asian Paints ke office ke liye bagal ke darwaaze se aayiye". And that is how I got to know that this is my office, because, no where else in the building is there a sign telling people where Asian Paints office is. The reason I am told is that it was deliberately done so that extortionists won't come hunting for the Area Manager. Exciting ?
Anyway, my first upcountry tour took me to the notorious naxal town of Jehanabad. And without much trouble came out of that place. And then Bihar started to introduce itself to me. The 8 lane national highway soon lost some inches. Actually feets, umm...lanes...and came down to 2 lanes. And then there were potholes. No, Craters. Or may be, valleys. The poor little Indica used to disappear inside the road. And then we touched the state highway. And it was all so better. It was better because my driver gave up on the road and decided to drive through the fields. It's said that the Bihar State Highway is being used by India's intelligence agencies to torture and interrogate hard boiled terrorists. I bet my insurance company has included the Bihar state highway in "exclusions" in bold print. Next time I am taking either a bullock cart or a chopper. But the most dare-devil part is still to come. On the north of Patna flows the 5 km wide Ganga river. And over the Ganga is the 7 km long Mahatama Gandhi Bridge. The bridge made in sections is now a circus act. The joints are broken, and when a bus passes from one section to the other, the next section dips under the weight of the bus. The drivers behind have to carefully time their jump on to the next section. The next Param Veer Chakra should go to one of Bihar's cab drivers. Gaya is also a place one should see. Bodh Gaya is an international destination. It's the place where Gautam Budhha had sat under a tree and enlightened. I don't know how he did that, as it's buring hot in Gaya. It's the hottest place in Bihar. Anyway, upon visiting Bodh Gaya you will forget which country you were in. Signboards are in Malay, Thai, Japanese and all oriental languages. You will get the best of Oriental cuisine and the best of Oriental hospitality. Talk about a oasis in the middle of Bihar! Between all that cribbing, one thing everyone would notice about Bihar is the vast amount of flat productive land. For miles and miles, you can see plain flat land with greenery. They say, that you throw away just seeds, in few months you will see a small bush growing. If Bihar's road are the bumpiest possible, the fields and the lands are the smoothest and flattest possible. It is a definite gold mine.
For all you stereotype believers, if you thought Bihari's talk funny, have a different accent, eat sattu and always chew something, you are so so right. Bihari is defined by all these things. And when I say funny, they seriously are very very funny. Each Bihari can become a stand up comedian. But a Bihari takes his education very seriously. Every Bihari I have met has always had the zeal to learn more. And funny may they sound, they have a good vocabulary in both Hindi and English. And if you are talking about awareness, etiquette and cultured behaviour - I think Bihar has impressed me the most. From all kinds of people I have interacted till date, Biharis have been the most courteous. What they are not good at is being angry. When Bihari boys got kicked in Mumbai, Bihar started abducting. Abducting entire trains. Bihari students took out their anger on railway property in Bihar! One group even hijacked and drove away with a train engine. They burned stations and trains they would use the next day to go to college etc. That is called - selfless protest. Inflict pain unto self rather than the innocent public. Lesson for Mr.Thackery(Jr.) - beat yourself up if you are unhappy about Northies in 'Twaadi' Mumbai.
I stayed in a location called Boring Road in Patna. It was the hippiest place in Patna and still it was named Boring Road. I resorted to almost the weirdest forms of entertainment like going to Vishal Mart and listen to Bhojpuri songs. I would visit every other profile on orkut in the hope that I will find a 'hot date' in Patna.
There are certain things you would love in Bihar :
As I was walking inside to collect my luggage, I decided that I will write a book about Bihar. Then I would sell million copies and earn billions of rupees. But bhaiya as you can see now I am explaining Bihar for charity. Arriving early morning in Patna is good, the temprature is not that much and it feels great to know that you are booked at Hotel Maurya. Yes, it's Hotel Maurya. Kindly note, no Sheraton ! But it's the best Bihar has to offer. So when I arrive at the best hotel of Bihar, the room I have been booked into is still not empty. Hence I kill time roaming around in the lobby. Somehow the hotel feels very African. Like Hotel Rwanda. There are lot of game trophies, ivory carvings, armed gunmen and creaky wooden furniture with yellow lights everywhere. Hotel Rwanda. But Hotel Rwanda has the best view of urban Bihar. I could see Bihar's tallest building - the Biscomaun and the largest ground - Gandhi Maidan from my room . All this at an exorbitant rate of Rs.4000 per day. The most economical possible meal is Rs.450. I am in Bihar, I am supposed to save money. This is where I purged all plans of investing time and money in a book.
My first ever office is 3 mins of walk from my Hotel Rwanda. Climbing the stairs of Ashiana towers seemed like going through the corridors of a deep dungeon, no lights and red stains at every corner. And I am greeted at the door of my office with a sign that says "Asian Paints ke office ke liye bagal ke darwaaze se aayiye". And that is how I got to know that this is my office, because, no where else in the building is there a sign telling people where Asian Paints office is. The reason I am told is that it was deliberately done so that extortionists won't come hunting for the Area Manager. Exciting ?
Anyway, my first upcountry tour took me to the notorious naxal town of Jehanabad. And without much trouble came out of that place. And then Bihar started to introduce itself to me. The 8 lane national highway soon lost some inches. Actually feets, umm...lanes...and came down to 2 lanes. And then there were potholes. No, Craters. Or may be, valleys. The poor little Indica used to disappear inside the road. And then we touched the state highway. And it was all so better. It was better because my driver gave up on the road and decided to drive through the fields. It's said that the Bihar State Highway is being used by India's intelligence agencies to torture and interrogate hard boiled terrorists. I bet my insurance company has included the Bihar state highway in "exclusions" in bold print. Next time I am taking either a bullock cart or a chopper. But the most dare-devil part is still to come. On the north of Patna flows the 5 km wide Ganga river. And over the Ganga is the 7 km long Mahatama Gandhi Bridge. The bridge made in sections is now a circus act. The joints are broken, and when a bus passes from one section to the other, the next section dips under the weight of the bus. The drivers behind have to carefully time their jump on to the next section. The next Param Veer Chakra should go to one of Bihar's cab drivers. Gaya is also a place one should see. Bodh Gaya is an international destination. It's the place where Gautam Budhha had sat under a tree and enlightened. I don't know how he did that, as it's buring hot in Gaya. It's the hottest place in Bihar. Anyway, upon visiting Bodh Gaya you will forget which country you were in. Signboards are in Malay, Thai, Japanese and all oriental languages. You will get the best of Oriental cuisine and the best of Oriental hospitality. Talk about a oasis in the middle of Bihar! Between all that cribbing, one thing everyone would notice about Bihar is the vast amount of flat productive land. For miles and miles, you can see plain flat land with greenery. They say, that you throw away just seeds, in few months you will see a small bush growing. If Bihar's road are the bumpiest possible, the fields and the lands are the smoothest and flattest possible. It is a definite gold mine.
For all you stereotype believers, if you thought Bihari's talk funny, have a different accent, eat sattu and always chew something, you are so so right. Bihari is defined by all these things. And when I say funny, they seriously are very very funny. Each Bihari can become a stand up comedian. But a Bihari takes his education very seriously. Every Bihari I have met has always had the zeal to learn more. And funny may they sound, they have a good vocabulary in both Hindi and English. And if you are talking about awareness, etiquette and cultured behaviour - I think Bihar has impressed me the most. From all kinds of people I have interacted till date, Biharis have been the most courteous. What they are not good at is being angry. When Bihari boys got kicked in Mumbai, Bihar started abducting. Abducting entire trains. Bihari students took out their anger on railway property in Bihar! One group even hijacked and drove away with a train engine. They burned stations and trains they would use the next day to go to college etc. That is called - selfless protest. Inflict pain unto self rather than the innocent public. Lesson for Mr.Thackery(Jr.) - beat yourself up if you are unhappy about Northies in 'Twaadi' Mumbai.
I stayed in a location called Boring Road in Patna. It was the hippiest place in Patna and still it was named Boring Road. I resorted to almost the weirdest forms of entertainment like going to Vishal Mart and listen to Bhojpuri songs. I would visit every other profile on orkut in the hope that I will find a 'hot date' in Patna.
There are certain things you would love in Bihar :
- Being served in every restaurant, even for a Rs. 50 bill.
- Satoo paratha
- The respect for education
- Biharis
- Rs. 200 pass for a trip to Nepal
- Advance payments
- Filth
- Waterlogging
- People's love for not working
- Gutka Gutka Gutka ! Gutka Spitting ! Gutka Eating !
A much awaited post..Though i don have much to write about it, i believe i can only comment once i experience it myself in few days time :)
ReplyDeleteWould like to see u regularly here.
A gud description of Bihar dude...no, no, bhaiya... i some hw got this link on Google Alerts for Asian Paints Ltd (I also work for Asian Paints as a Unit Head based outta Bangalore). There were some parts of the blog where i cudn't control my grin...no, laughter.
ReplyDeleteA pretty insightful post on the real Bihar. You seem to have seen more of the place in the last few months than I have in my lifetime :).
ReplyDeleteback to blogging permanently naa??....gud to read ur experiences...keep having more of them and keep sharing :D
ReplyDeleteNice to read experience of bihar from an outsider's perspective... And i so agree with most of what you have written... though at places you have gone a little overboard while describing stuffs(especially the one about mahatma gandhi bridge.. it was funny though)
ReplyDeleteOverall a fun and informative reading :)
a million copies to earn a billion rupees - meaning a thousand rupee price tag for a debut ?? really ?? :D
ReplyDeleteNice post - esp about the stereotype vs the reality. Where to next ?? Orissa ??
dont listen to srivats or jalan.. it was true and insightful.. and very funny at that.. and please do me a favour and rip Srivats' Chennai apart
ReplyDelete