It races past me

Life is silly. It comes back at you. I always have loved driving on Delhi roads. I can't stand the traffic in front of me drooling. I always try to find a way to the front. This is my idea of being a leader. I like to overtake other vehicles. By doing so I am able to prove that I am better than 'you'. I find it satisfying. I do this usually during my trip from college to home. I overtake cars, I do it one after the another. I do my overtaking for 40 kilometers. For 1 hour. I tend to believe I am winning. I believe I am now able to beat the very people who gave me ideas on how to drive a car. It's my accomplishment. I had loved someone. I had pursued her for many years. I showed my full dedication to her for many years. And all that while she had considered me only a friend. But still I felt different for her. I always let her know that what I felt for her. I always felt I was leading her. I was leading her in our relationship. I always thought I loved her more. I had always imagined myself as the one opening new doors to our relationship. I was ahead.

Then one day, I decided to slow down. I just let my car glide at 50 kmph. I did not change the gear to get more revs from the engine. I let it cruise. It was so serene. The cars went past me. They did not go past me in a whizz. They went by me only as fast to let me admire their beauty.
I had stepped off. I had let my lady take control. She had glided past me. She controlled what doors our relationships opened. And only then I realised that what a beauty she was. She was more than beautiful, she was truly loving and caring. I had realised now, that what a boy I had been. I had a childish crush on her. I had pretended to be ahead of her. Only that I did not know, that every time I overtake another car, another car awaited me. I could not beat that jinx. I had to follow the one who truly felt love. I had to realise the importance of the one leading my life by slowing down, giving away the lead.

I feel relaxed now. Now that I know, I dont have to find my way past the traffic, I can listen to the radio with more calm. I can appreciate the beauty of the surroundings. I now know what life means, and brings to me. She loves me more and with more fidelity than what I can return. I fell for a beauty outside, I am now in love with the beauty within. Because I let it go past me, I could now understand what the other car had inside. It had an engine that ran smoothly, and did not have to rev up to feel beautiful. I know what she is now. I know now it is not a race. I can't race past it.

Comments

  1. Pratosh Dwivedi3:33 AM, August 22, 2007

    Beautiful ... well written ... thats all i can say .. rest of the beauty is for u to admire :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12:06 PM, March 19, 2008

    Hey Ayush..
    Well written buddy..

    Many ppl..cant evn describe their relationship with their GF's like this..he he he..;-)..
    -Sumukh

    ReplyDelete

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